...and that's when she YELLED.

I love the chaos of a big family.  I thrive on the hustle and bustle.  If you ask me, we could still use a few more loud mouths up in here.  But all of that changes when someone vomits.

We had a sickie this morning who was unable to tell us what exactly was bothering them...until we could see it.  On the floor.  And on the chair.  And on the table.

Of course, the baby was ready to come run in it all and see what was happening, so I asked the older ones to take him to play.  What they heard: take the baby and lock him in a room and then come back and gawk.  After several more urgings, and a few more difficult, maybe defiant, acts on their part, it happened.  Mommy YELLED. *gasp*  I realize that this is not a foreign response to any parent, we have all done it.  For all yellers everywhere, God reminded me this morning of our calling to train our children, and that we are not doing it alone.  He has empowered us to accomplish this task called parenting.

As I type, they are both spending some quiet time in reflection of their behavior, and I suppose I am too. Through the events of this morning, I was reminded that I, too, like to stop and watch train wrecks in other people's lives and not always necessarily for the purpose of praying for them and helping to restore them.  They weren't (at that point) doing anything but what came natural.  It is my job to train them otherwise.  God is so very gracious to me when I sin and always gently restores me.  Though the correction may hurt, it is always for His glory.  I am grateful that Jesus already did this life thing perfectly on my behalf, because I have proven yet again that I am incapable of anything more than filthy rags.  I deserve nothing more than God's justice, and yet He has already dispensed that and in return gives me righteousness and hope.  

So looking back at the circus events of this morning, I can breath a sigh of relief as I rest in His perfect love.  I can extend His love to my precious littles and hope that they will one day cling to His grace as I do. 

Now to go change the movie for my precious girl, and explain for the 37th time this morning why she can't eat right now like the rest of us.  

A Crosspointer, I Must Become

Over the last week, our lives have officially changed.  No baby yet, still have a few weeks for that one!

As of Sunday, Rich has stepped into the role of Lead Pastor of our church, Crosspoint Community Church.  I am so proud of Rich.  Over the last 13 years, I have watched him grow so tremendously as a man, a follower of Christ, a husband, and a father.  What a journey, and what a blessing to see things desired become reality.

As for me?  I am humbled beyond all reason.  I feel like the shoes I now wear shall never fit.  As if parenting 3, almost 4, children isn't enough, now I carry the title "Pastor's Wife."  I much prefer the anonymity of behind-the-scenes work.  Beyond that, my role as wife (in general) really has taken on a new dimension, as my bi-vocational husband juggles more.  Add to all that a newborn.  Yeah.

Am I complaining?  No.  Am I in need?  Absolutely.  I think the beauty of this transition is found in the name of the church, "Crosspoint Community Church." 

When things become overwhelming, which I am confident at times they will, I can remember that I only need to point to the Cross.  The work has been completed, I must simply rely on what Jesus has already done for myself, my husband, my children, and our church.  What a stress reliever!  

Our church is based on community together.  What a beautiful thing to live in community with one another and become a discipling bunch, who in turn make disciples.  I have a built in support system that is committed to gathering weekly to lift each other up by the power of the Gospel.  It is beautiful.

As a community who points to the Cross, we step out on mission together, aka the "church."  When we feel lost, we simply join back in on the mission of the church, in the fellowship of our community, in admiration of the cross.

This new chapter is one that excites me.  I am not perfect, and don't have much in myself to offer.  But I do know a God who is infinitely equipped to handle any situation, and to Him I defer.

To My Littles

Rusten, Reed, Kensley and Goober,

Our lives are about to change.  At church yesterday, Pastor John announced that he and Miss Marlo were going to step down as lead pastor and that daddy and I would be stepping into that role.  

Since daddy and I were dating, many moons ago, we have always felt called into full-time ministry. We never really saw it playing out like this, but it is something that we are excited about.  We love Pastor John and Miss Marlo so very much.  They were our youth pastors, they were a part of our wedding, they dedicated you, Rusten and Reed, and they are very precious to our family.  It's an awkward excitement (as your dad keeps saying), that we feel.  Although we always have the assurance that you're going to marry Jadyn someday, Rusten, so we know they'll always be a part of our lives!

As I type this post, you three (Goober, you're still in my tummy, so you're sitting here with me) are running around playing hide and seek.  Rusten you're out of school today.  You boys keep passing by me asking if I've seen the other, and sister just screams and laughs as she follows you two.  I love the innocence and simplicity of all that entertains you three.  Goober, you seem to be entertained by nestling up in my ribs ... ouch! 

I say all that, because I want you to know that daddy and I promise, by the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us, to maintain a peaceful, innocent, simple environment for you to thrive.  You four are more important to us than anyone else in the world.  We want you to know that our family will always be first before ministry.  Your walk with the Lord and your knowledge of His Gospel, His Great Rescue Plan, will always be our priority.  

I get nervous sometimes when I think about this transition, as I realize that there will be more time demands on our family, especially daddy.  But we will continually seek the Lord to help us maintain the proper priorities.  I want you to always feel free to tell us if we aren't.  

I love you guys more than you'll ever know ... well, at least until you have kids of your own, then you might understand a little.  We pray for you guys all the time, and we can't wait to see all the amazing things God has planned for each of your lives. 

"Love You More Than Life", or Do I?

This is the song I heard on the radio yesterday.  It was being sung to the Lord, but in considering the context of the rest of the song, it seemed so fake.  I wish I knew who sung it and could give you a snipit of the lyrics.  But alas, you shall have to trust me.

Don't get me wrong.  This is the attitude that we should all have.  Christ's sacrifice for us entitles Him to our unadulterated love, and more.  The problem I had with the song was the pride it contained.  The singer was proud that he loved God more than life.  At that moment, he now loved himself more than he loved God because he believed he loved God more than anything.

As I continued with my morning routine and the song finished and another song came on, I pondered whether or not I could I say this with a sincere humility.  I was rather disappointed in my answer.  I want to love God more than anything, anyone, more than life itself.  But the reality is, I'm a broken person.  We all are.  There are moments in our lives where we realize our need for God more than anything.  There are moments of blessing and triumph where we genuinely attribute that mountain-top experience to God, and love Him more than the moment itself.  But to live a life that loudly portrays a love of God, surpassing a love of anything else, is something I'm not sure we'll ever attain here on earth, without the help of the One who loved us first.  It is definitely something we can never attain on our own strength.

In Psalm 103:14, David says "For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust."  God knows we are incapable of pure devotion on our own.  He even gave Paul a "thorn in the flesh" to keep him coming back to the true source of strength.  Before God set His rescue plan into motion, He knew that we would never deserve it and that we could never earn it, and we certainly would never be able to show our gratitude and love in a manner worthy of the sacrifice.  But He did it anyway.

Thank You Lord that You are continually helping us to lay aside the ups and downs of this earthly life, and helping us focus on the One that matters, ultimately for Your glory!

A Rebirth, of Sorts

After a year hiatus, maybe it's time to get back on here.  So much has changed, from our family, our circumstances, and most importantly, my heart.  The intention of this blog, started several years ago, was to compensate for my horrible babybooking skills.  I figured if I could update this regularly, my children would forgive me for them not having very detailed baby books.  However, the Lord has changed my life and my heart so much over this last year, I desire for this blog to leave a legacy of the grace of the Gospel to my kids ... and it's application thereof on things that probably should have been babybooked.  I heard a song on the radio yesterday that made me think of blogging again.  So hopefully, this time it will stick.

To briefly update our lives, we moved houses, I quit my job, we have another bundle on the way (due in 8 weeks, and no idea what we're having!), and many more exciting changes coming down the pipe.  I love my life.  God has blessed us and allowed some tough challenges, but how can you not enjoy the ride when you know He's driving?

Most importantly, God has shown me that the Gospel wasn't just for my salvation.  The Gospel is for my daily sanctification.  The same power that saved me is what is going to sustain me.  God didn't save me and then expect me to make changes to my life on my own.  He didn't save me and step back to allow me to prove my abilities.  He saved me, and fully intends to walk every day with me to help me and change me.  I view the Bible much differently now.  Where I used to see a reference book, I know see a grand story that all points to a Rescue Plan much greater than you or I.  I am excited about the new things God is teaching me, and I'm hungry to learn.  I hope I can pass along some of that excitement and I hope that, by the grace of God, I can leave a legacy of a life lived in the grace of the Gospel to my children.

Does a Relaxing Holiday Season Exist?

I think not.

We just got finished with our church's annual Nativity Village.  And when I say finished, I mean that everything is out of the school and mostly put away with the exception of the car full of stuff in my driveway that I need to sort through and organize.  

To boot, I have sick kids.  Rusten has had a nasty sounding cough since yesterday, and I just discovered at lunch that Reed has a fever.  Now begins operation "Trytokeepsisterhealthy".  I, too, have a nasty sore throat and stuffy nose.  Oh well.  Tis' the season.

We have busy days and evenings this week, however, with the above-discovered information, I suppose much of that will change.  We don't need to go around infecting everyone!

To end this gripe-ish post, I'll share what Rusten just said.  I put a Veggie Tales Christmas movie on for the boys to watch before nap time.  Cheery Christmas music and dancing have Reed and I captured.  Then I hear Rusten "How can they pick up things when they don't even have hands?!"  I suppose he is outgrowing Veggie Tales....

PS: The endoscopy came out fine, no signs of an ulcer.  I have the MRI scheduled for Thursday morning.  This will check to see about a rogue gallstone.  We shall see....

Wanna Get a Word in Edgewise?

Yeah, me too.  Life is railroading me lately!  Just needed to touch base again here...

I met with the GI specialist and he has narrowed it down to two diagnoses.  He believes I either have an ulcer or a rogue gall stone remaining from my surgery last year come to haunt me as a result of The Pregnancy from you-know-where.  So tomorrow begins the tests to see which it is.  I have endoscopy scheduled in the morning, and I'm still waiting to schedule an MRI for the gall stone.  Unfortunately, with these tests, I can't nurse for 24 hours.  This week I've been pumping like a crazy trying to get enough milk in the freezer for Miss K to have while I can't nurse her.  I'm hoping she takes a bottle no problem, but I'm praying that she doesn't choose the bottle over breast once the 24 hours are up.  It's only 5 feedings, so I'm praying for grace! 

The Christmas season is running away--way too fast!  I wish it were a longer season.  I'm enjoying every moment of holiday music and Christmas giving and surprises.  

Rich almost has a vehicle now.  This is great news for the days when we need a car here on the home front.  I will say, though, it is nice to not have a vehicle and be forced to get things done around here.  He is having the engine rebuilt on his dad's 4Runner, and then we will have a car!

Well, it's time to feed the little one again!  Back to my routine of eat, drink, feed, pump, etc.  I'll be glad to see Friday........

It's Official...

 

I'm starting a savings account........in the washer.  What better place?!  That quarter has been in there for about a month, and I haven't been tempted to spend it at all!

The Whirlwind....Be Careful, Don't Get Sucked In

Ha!  I bet you thought I was done blogging again for awhile!  Nope, just been INSANELY busy over the last few days!  I'll give you the rundown in pictures:

Saturday we hung Christmas lights...

I LOVE his perfectionism in hanging lights....every light is perfect!

She wasn't that excited about it all...

They were really more playing in the dirt than hanging lights, but whatever.

I love her...

Then later that day we picked out our Christmas tree...

She's just always happy!

Everyone present and accounted for....onward.

Sunday, we brought the tree in.  Rich is SO proud.  He has an official Griswold tree.  As soon as we could see it was too tall for the space, he begged me to let him shove it in and have a Griswold tree.  So....

Yeah, Rich was taking pictures...

 

Rusten LOVES to have his picture taken and will pose like no other.

Sunday night, we decorated the tree...

Kensley really wasn't much help, but she was pretty!

 

Reed took a break to make his sister smile....so precious!

 

Sorry, Rich.  I couldn't resist.

So Monday rolled around and there's was still more to do.  I had to count all the postcards for the Nativity Village and get them ready to mail.  I also had to bake 6 dozen cookies for a cookie exchange that night...

6,439 for the record....

Then Tuesday we ran many, many errands.  So tired and ready to be home for the day!  Tonight we have dinner with some friends!  That will be so nice!!  I will leave you with this picture---I'm blessed!

PS--It turns out my liver looks fine and I have a Simple Kidney Cyst.  I did TONS more blood work last night and have an appointment with a specialist tomorrow.  Praise God my blood work is coming back a lot more normal than it was.  It seems the liver enzymes were probably a result of medication, and the cyst is a different problem entirely.  I will know more tomorrow.  Keep praying!

Messy, Messy, Messy *spoken like the magician on Frosty*

Making gingerbread cookie dough is MESSY! By the way, that's why I need a KitchenAid Mixer!! Using my Walmart half-price hand mixer in a shallow plastic bowl to mix molasses, water, butter and brown sugar is a recipe for disaster! I had it up on the walls!!

The women at our church are having a cookie and ornament exchange on Monday night, and I am getting ahead of the game by making two batches of dough this morning. If I have time later today, I'll start baking. If not, tomorrow it is. Rolling, cutting and baking is a big mess too. Then if you have Rich help you frost and decorate--Lord have mercy. Last time, I had poor gingerbread men with beautiful frosting and TORTILLA CHIP stuck on top. Yep, you read it right. He was shopping all over the kitchen for things top the beauties with because, apparently, the can of different Christmas sprinkles wasn't quite enough. Yeah....the stuff memories are made of.

I'm trying to talk Rich into getting the Christmas decorations down today and possibly getting the tree. It's overcast and cozy today--perfect holiday conditions for such activities!

Well, I have a pile of laundry and a pile of work giving me nasty glares, and it's time for Kensley's next feeding...

DON'T Think About a Red Elephant

Ever played that game? Yeah, that's how I feel right now. Still playing the waiting game. Everyone assures me everything is fine and I shouldn't even think about it, and they may well be right. But it's like telling someone not to think about a red elephant---it's all you'll be able to think about.

**Pause to go break up a fight**

Okay, so I guess there are a few things around me to take my mind off of this mess.

I have several holiday-ish things I want to do with the kids, I'm just not sure when. We have a gingerbread train to put together, a Christmas tree to buy, a countdown chain to make, decorations to put up, Christmas movies to watch, a stocking to make for Kensley.......I enjoy them all, so which comes first?!

Today is catch-up on work day. I haven't worked hardly all week and it's a miracle in itself that I can still see the screen to type this post! Little wonders. Kensley has already pooped through two outfits today (it's only 9:30AM), but she's doing much better than yesterday after her shots.

Today I praise God for my home and the ability to stay home and take care of it!

The Waiting Game

So now we wait. I had the ultrasound and blood tests this morning. I thank God for such a wonderful, friendly ultrasound technician today. She really made me feel at ease, no matter what she was seeing on that screen.

I feel achy all over my abdomen. I keep telling myself it's all in my head....but I'm pretty sure the discomfort is really there. God is faithful, though, and I have to keep my eyes on Him, not the flesh. Romans 8:6!

Anyway, Kensley had her 2 month appointment today. That meant shots. Oh, it makes me cry right with my kids. It was SO precious though. Before the doctor came in, she Kensley was talking away to me. I've never heard her coo so much. Then I stuck it to her, what a great mom! She did very well and everyone who saw her today commented on what a peaceful and happy baby she is. She's been a bit fussy since the appointment, poor baby!

I must give a big shout out to Grammie. She really saved the day today. She came over early this morning and stayed with the kids all morning long. It was such a blessing to be able to take care of everything and not have to worry about the boys.

Tonight is another busy night...not as bad as last night's Walmart at 10PM thing, but pretty busy nonetheless. The boys are going with Mimi to see the Christmas Parade. They are real excited about that. Kensley and I are going to Miss Dawn's house to get some things ready for Nativity Village. I have pumpkin bread in the oven to take to the potluck dessert tonight....mmmm! Rich will be home alone (lucky) studying for Sunday since he's speaking.

Praise God for my busy, happy, healthy family!

The Garment of Praise

On Sunday this week, I was taken to the ER with horrible abdominal pain. I could hardly breathe it hurt so badly. After a couple of hours there, they diagnosed me with Gastritis. They sent me home with some medicine and said to watch what I eat. I followed up with my doctor the next day.

She took me off the medicine they gave me because it wasn't as safe for nursing as she would like. While I was there, I asked her to thoroughly check me over--blood work and everything. I'm tired of medical surprises, such as this pain and my thyroid. She requested the records from the hospital and reviewed them. Everything looked great except for my liver enzymes were slightly elevated. She ordered some lab work just to verify.

Last night those results came in. Two of those enzymes were supposed to less than 31 or 33, and mine were well over 1200. Needless to say, I'm a bit concerned. Rich got home from his softball game and I lost it. I don't know how much more medical drama I can handle. I got a phone cal this morning just after 8AM from my doctor. They are ordering an ultrasound to look at my liver, they ordered some blood work to screen for Hepatitis, and I'm being refereed to a specialist. I am a nervous wreck. I have no idea what to expect.....a simple infection, a terminal disease, cancer??? I don't know.

As I was thinking about everything last night, I just felt a heaviness. It was a mixture of fear, depression and death. God reminded me of a song from years ago. Its lyrics are straight out of Isaiah 61. Specifically, I remembered the portion about how God will give us a "garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that we might be trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified". Rich and I spent some time last night praising God. It's time to start wearing that garment of praise.

Holiday Season: Party of Five

So I haven't blogged in...forever. Not much happening, just kids being born, kids losing teeth, you know, just major events!

The whole reason I started this blog was a sorry replacement for my kids' baby books which have nothing in them. I thought maybe one day they could get on here and read about the funny things they did and maybe understand their crazy mom a little better (or even understand WHY she went crazy?!).

I want to come back and do a birth post for each of the kidlets, something they each can read about their own birth story. So I will save all the details of Kensley's birth for that. Suffice it to say that on October 1st, our family grew. It was a great experience, and I don't think the boys (or us) could love her any more than we already do! Also, Rusten has lost two teeth now.

My thyroid condition is well under control, right now with no medication at all. Kensley is fine with no side effects from me taking the meds while pregnant. Praise God!! Aside from an ER trip on Sunday for me having bad stomach pains, the family has been doing great.

I plan *again* to be more faithful in writing here.....for my kiddies if nothing else!

Happy last day of November!

Week Number 938475489 of Our 40 Week Pregnancy

So I'm a little tired of complaining, but when you feel crummy, that's what you do! I figured, though, with all this down time, it's a good opportunity to start blogging again. We'll see.

I must take a moment to brag. I married the best man on earth. This guy is selfless. Yesterday, for example, I was feeling crummy and he came home from a long day at work, did the yard work, made dinner for himself and the boys, did the dishes, and then took the kids to the store to do a little grocery shopping for me. When they got home, the boys came running in yelling "SURPRISE!!" with a frozen yogurt daddy had stopped and bought me. I couldn't ask for more!!

As far as pregnancy feeling....we had a set back last week. I was feeling great, and then they reduced my PTU (thyroid meds) again. I had an episode of what they called "vertigo" which led to other, unpleasant things. I'm still recovering from the nausea and all around ickiness of it all---with a heart rate that's up again. I know that this too shall pass, but I'm ready for it to pass NOW.

We are still trying to settle in on a name. We've been leaning towards Kensley. It doesn't "sing" to either one of us, but it's pretty much the only name that we both will consider. So for now, her name is still "Baby Sister."

I was blessed with a baby shower recently, and wow! I was blessed with the bedding that I loved and never thought I'd have! We have clothes for her now---great to know that she won't be a naked baby!! It was amazing! I have a few things left to buy, but if she were to be born today, we'd just about be ready!

I want to try to update more regularly now on here, especially as sister's debut approaches. But for now, the boys need a little "encouragement" to settle down for nap time!

Week 23

Well, sister, we are halfway there! God has done some amazing things in the past five months. He has completely changed my life, in terms of schedule, and changed my heart, in terms of submission to Him! It has been quite a trip, and though I haven't enjoyed every second, I'm grateful for it!

My thyroid is still giving me problems. I still suffer from some of the effects of having a thyroid on crack. But, medically speaking, my pregnancy is perfect. All my numbers are great, and everything looks good. The doctors reviewed your ultrasound and you look perfect!! In fact, at my last appointment, the NP laughed because you are growing much faster than you should, even without a thyroid problem! I was 23 weeks, but my tummy measures at 26 weeks. Way to go girlfriend! You are going to be strong--you've already learned that you'll have to be to fit in around here!!

In addition, at my last appointment (5 months or 23 weeks), I am still one pound under my beginning weight! I'm so excited about that. The NP assured me that pound was all you!!

We have another blood test on Wednesday this week, and then in a couple of weeks, we have the glucose test. But praise God, things are going smoothly!! I love you sister!!