I have felt called to ministry for years. In more recent years, God has been giving me a desire for teaching and sharing—being able to speak truth into the lives of others, truth that God has made real for me. At our church, the women are currently going through a Beth Moore series entitled “Living Beyond Yourself.” (Great study, by the way, if you are looking for a challenge!) In one of the first few sessions, Beth Moore looked straight at me (I could totally tell) and said something along the lines of “Some of you are teachers and God is calling you to be that….step up and do it.” She said it much better, and with a cool southern accent. I went home that night excited because I knew that God was preparing me for something. Shortly after this, I entered one of the toughest spiritual and emotional battles in which I have ever been.
As you will see, over these past few weeks, God has been walking me step-by-step through this. I know I'm not done yet, but I feel comfort knowing the Creator is faithfully walking me through. I hope to be like Paul encourages us to be in 2 Corinthians 1:4-5:
Several weeks back, I was hurt. And I mean hurt. Not stepped on a Lego in the night and fell on my bum hurt. I mean one of those nasty, inside, no one can see hurts. I was hurt by those I respected and loved. I was devastated, sobbing and the works. What happened shook me to my core. It challenged every part of me and caused me to question myself and my motives in so many areas.
I spent that first week going through a gamut of emotions. I went from the "Well, I never!" prideful extreme to the other prideful extreme of "I will take the high road." Neither of those were where my heart needed to be. Ultimately God was looking for me to be broken, forgiving, and humble. I realized after only a few days that this was what God was looking for, but it has taken me weeks to begin to live it out. Apparently God isn’t as easily fooled as the people around me.
Rich and I had never really faced anything like this before, and it was really neat to see the beauty of our marriage unfolding. It was amazing to see us working together to get through something, the way the Creator intended. I guess if I'm fair though, my husband was working much harder than I, as I sulked.
During that first week or so, God and I talked a lot. Usually it was me doing the talking because I was afraid of what God was going to say back. But God did speak through a great many avenues to both encourage and correct me. It was amazing to me how many things in my life He coordinated to speak to me at certain times. Going back to the Bible study I’ve been going through, it was as though God was allowing me to practice what I was studying. God would use my homework to speak a fresh word to me, He would use my husband, He would use my parents, He would use our pastor, and it was just cool. Sometimes though, I would be so excited about what God was speaking, I would miss out on what He was saying.
Have you ever been trained by someone, and you wanted so badly to just know it all already? You pretend to be listening, but in your mind you have already moved on to completing the task at hand. Your alphabet may sound something like this: A, B, C, Z. Don’t lie, you know you have done this before. This is what I was doing to God during that first week and pretty much every week since. He would give me a fresh word about my circumstances, and I would take that to mean “Training Complete.” I would praise Him and then move on, only to find out there is another rung to this ladder I am climbing.
(To be continued…)
As you will see, over these past few weeks, God has been walking me step-by-step through this. I know I'm not done yet, but I feel comfort knowing the Creator is faithfully walking me through. I hope to be like Paul encourages us to be in 2 Corinthians 1:4-5:
That's part of why I want to write all this out. I want to remember this journey. This is one of the deepest, most telling journeys God has taken me on yet. I do not want to neglect the calling I feel to minister to others, and I think the best way to minister is from a perspective of personal application. I want to recall the things God has shown me, good and bad, and use them to minister to others, women in particular. The older I grow, the more I realize how many things in my life God has tried, and is trying, to use to take me to a new place with Him. With this new revelation in mind, things I face seem so much more manageable. When I can force myself to step back and see from a heavenly perspective the things that God is taking me through, I can encourage myself knowing that God has FULL control over the happenings in my life. When I am confident in that, then even though what I'm facing may hurt, I can know that God has a purpose and a promise at the end of the journey...even if it kills me!"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others
are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
You can be sure that the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us
with his comfort through Christ."
Several weeks back, I was hurt. And I mean hurt. Not stepped on a Lego in the night and fell on my bum hurt. I mean one of those nasty, inside, no one can see hurts. I was hurt by those I respected and loved. I was devastated, sobbing and the works. What happened shook me to my core. It challenged every part of me and caused me to question myself and my motives in so many areas.
I spent that first week going through a gamut of emotions. I went from the "Well, I never!" prideful extreme to the other prideful extreme of "I will take the high road." Neither of those were where my heart needed to be. Ultimately God was looking for me to be broken, forgiving, and humble. I realized after only a few days that this was what God was looking for, but it has taken me weeks to begin to live it out. Apparently God isn’t as easily fooled as the people around me.
Rich and I had never really faced anything like this before, and it was really neat to see the beauty of our marriage unfolding. It was amazing to see us working together to get through something, the way the Creator intended. I guess if I'm fair though, my husband was working much harder than I, as I sulked.
During that first week or so, God and I talked a lot. Usually it was me doing the talking because I was afraid of what God was going to say back. But God did speak through a great many avenues to both encourage and correct me. It was amazing to me how many things in my life He coordinated to speak to me at certain times. Going back to the Bible study I’ve been going through, it was as though God was allowing me to practice what I was studying. God would use my homework to speak a fresh word to me, He would use my husband, He would use my parents, He would use our pastor, and it was just cool. Sometimes though, I would be so excited about what God was speaking, I would miss out on what He was saying.
Have you ever been trained by someone, and you wanted so badly to just know it all already? You pretend to be listening, but in your mind you have already moved on to completing the task at hand. Your alphabet may sound something like this: A, B, C, Z. Don’t lie, you know you have done this before. This is what I was doing to God during that first week and pretty much every week since. He would give me a fresh word about my circumstances, and I would take that to mean “Training Complete.” I would praise Him and then move on, only to find out there is another rung to this ladder I am climbing.
(To be continued…)
