Finally....Some Good News!

I went to the doctor this last week, and finally heard some positive things. I went in with a determined attitude and brought my mom for back-up...or to handle things if I fell apart. Whatever.

After the routine check of the heartbeat, measure of my belly, we began talking more with my Nurse Practitioner about what was going on. (By the way, the heartbeat sounded great, and I'm measuring spot-on with how far along I am.) I was determined to get an ultrasound to make sure my continued use of this thyroid medicine wasn't making a mutant in there. After I could see that my petitions were getting no where, I began to cry. What a dork. I couldn't help it. It was one of those things where you wipe your eyes all stealthy so no one knows, but then you take a deep breath in and make a funny sound and then everyone knows. Oh well.

My NP, heard my concerns and pulled up all the information about my medicines (the thyroid medicine, "PTU", and the medicine I can take for when my heart starts pounding like crazy, "Propranolol"). The Propranolol didn't say anything TOO bad about taking while I'm pregnant, and even what she read, it seems I can nurse. The negative side effects come into play when you are taking the medicine because of high blood pressure, and it's actually the high blood pressure that does the damage. Whew! One down.

The PTU was the one that worried me the most. I have been reading everything I'm provided about all this, and in the literature they give you at the pharmacy for your medicine it said "This medicine has been proven to harm the human fetus". How's that for comforting??? So the NP pulled up that information as well and we all read it together. I'm thinking baby's gonna come out with heart defects, half a brain, four arms, and three feet. I had no clue. Apparently, the only damage the medicine does is to baby's thyroid, and that's not a certainty. So any damage this medicine can cause is treatable damage. Though we pray that there is no problem for baby, I feel comfort knowing that he/she is going to be just fine. When baby is born, they will test the thyroid and make sure that everything is okay, and if not, start medicine so that baby's growth won't be affected. I will also be able to nurse while on the medication. **Sigh of relief**

I kid you not, I have felt 100 lbs lighter since my doctor appointment. It is a relief to know that the treatment plan is a much safer option to the condition itself. I am now 2 and 1/2 weeks into my medicine and I am actually starting to notice a difference. I'm still not functioning at 100%, but I'm feeling MUCH better. My problem is that on days when I feel great, I jam tons of stuff into that day, and then I feel crummy the next day. I must learn to pace myself!

My next blood work is in a week and a half, and at that point, they will adjust my medicine accordingly. My ultrasound has been scheduled for about 6 weeks from now, sometime in May (I forget the date). Wonder if it's a boy or girl.....

Letter to the Next Bundle in Line

Dear #3,

I cannot wait to meet you. I realize I haven't used this blog in so long, but I want to take a moment to write down all of the things that have been happening around here, before I forget.

You sure did surprise me! Your brothers have a nasty habit of fighting and whining, which I'm sure you'll never do, right?! After a bad week with their behavior, I found out you were coming along. I struggled to comprehend how I was going to keep another child alive in this home, when I can barely manage the two of them.

I was talking to God about it the night I found out. I understand that this was no surprise to Him, but I wanted to understand what He had in mind. Baby, He clearly told me that "this is going to be my biggest blessing." What that means, I don't know yet.

Fast forward a few weeks, we were waiting to tell everyone about you. Auntie Jackie is pregnant and we wanted to give her as much time as possible to be pregnant alone before making our announcement. But on my birthday, the secret came out. Oops. Reactions were surprise and excitement. You see, daddy always puts on a great front about being done after having your brothers. But secretly, he really wanted you!!

After the announcement, I started feeling the morning sickness. Good times. Nothing could prepare me, though, for what would happen next.

After many ugly and scary symptoms have surfaced, the doctors have diagnosed me with hyperthyroidism. I have anxiety attacks, my heart races, I have a hard time breathing, and I just all around don't feel good. They have put me on medicine to take to regulate my thyroid. This is what I want you to know about.

Daddy and I have been praying about this treatment plan. They have told me that not treating the thyroid problem is dangerous for you. It can lead to you have thyroid problems and other, more serious, defects. However, the medicine that they have me on, the safest for pregnancy, can also harm you. Every time I have to take a pill, three times a day, I think of you and I pray for you. I pray that you turn out perfect. I pray that when you are born, it is right on time with God's plans and that every part of you, inside and out, functions perfectly.

This is the hardest thing I've ever really dealt with physically. I can't take very good care of the house or my work because the medicine and the condition itself make me feel yucky all the time. But I am determined to do whatever it takes to protect you. Over this last week and a half, you and I have bonded like I never thought possible with someone the size of a lime. You are just as much worth fighting for as Rusten and Reed and I want you to know that I love you. Mommy and Daddy are praying for you, and so are many other people. I can't wait to meet you and hug you and kiss you. You are so precious to me....I can't even begin to describe.

I will try to keep you updated as time goes on, but I'm not very good at it--just look at the history on here!! Hang in there, we're going to make it just fine!

Love, Mommy

What Up...

I'm still brewing the rest of my previous story....me and the Holy Spirit.

Busy, busy, busy around here. I want to get up all my Christmas decorations, but I've been so busy, I haven't even been able to bring them in the house yet. Maybe I should think about making it a priority since I'm hosting a brunch here on Saturday to do Christmasy things??

This last weekend was so fun!! On Saturday we dropped off the new (to us) Yukon to get detailed and then headed to Visalia to look at a litter of chocolate labs. We fell.in.love. This guy lives in a mansion out in the almond trees and has a zoo in his backyard. Tons of litters of all different kinds of dogs, horses, chickens...you name it. I think we even saw a pig lying around. Anyway, he had a 3-week old litter of chocolate labs that were ca-ute. We saw the dad before we saw the puppies and he wasn't very tall, but he was one of the stalkiest labs I've ever seen. He was very attentive, but wasn't barking at us like the other dogs. He just stood there wagging his tail with his ears up, looking intently at us. His head is HUGE and looks like a bull mastiff head. Then the man took us to the puppies and showed us the male puppy he saved for us to see. He was so adorable. No neck. Just huge. Already looked like his dad at 3 weeks old. He was ours right away.

We used to have the best chocolate lab in the world and his name was Gauge. He died, unexpectedly, at 3 years old. We decided to honor Gauge by naming this chocolate lab after him....Gauge Holliday Reloaded. He'll be Reload for short. We put a deposit down on Reload and we'll be picking him up the first weekend in January.....ffffooorrreeevvveeerrrr away.

After we let Rusten see the horses, which was all he wanted to do anyway, we left and headed towards Porterville. We drove up to the Hot Springs and had some lunch. It was freezing there!! We drove around and enjoyed the beauty and the drive. Then we came home to brown Bakersfield. Blgh.

Well, as I mentioned, I have a brunch to get ready for, and I only have 3 days left to turn this...

into this sparkling winter wonderland...

******DISCLAIMER: The messy picture isn't really my house. I'm getting hives just looking at it, and if my house DID look like that, I'm pretty sure you'd find my suicide note somewhere in there. Mkay?

When God Speaks - Part 1

I have felt called to ministry for years. In more recent years, God has been giving me a desire for teaching and sharing—being able to speak truth into the lives of others, truth that God has made real for me. At our church, the women are currently going through a Beth Moore series entitled “Living Beyond Yourself.” (Great study, by the way, if you are looking for a challenge!) In one of the first few sessions, Beth Moore looked straight at me (I could totally tell) and said something along the lines of “Some of you are teachers and God is calling you to be that….step up and do it.” She said it much better, and with a cool southern accent. I went home that night excited because I knew that God was preparing me for something. Shortly after this, I entered one of the toughest spiritual and emotional battles in which I have ever been.

As you will see, over these past few weeks, God has been walking me step-by-step through this. I know I'm not done yet, but I feel comfort knowing the Creator is faithfully walking me through. I hope to be like Paul encourages us to be in 2 Corinthians 1:4-5:

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others
are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
You can be sure that the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us
with his comfort through Christ."

That's part of why I want to write all this out. I want to remember this journey. This is one of the deepest, most telling journeys God has taken me on yet. I do not want to neglect the calling I feel to minister to others, and I think the best way to minister is from a perspective of personal application. I want to recall the things God has shown me, good and bad, and use them to minister to others, women in particular. The older I grow, the more I realize how many things in my life God has tried, and is trying, to use to take me to a new place with Him. With this new revelation in mind, things I face seem so much more manageable. When I can force myself to step back and see from a heavenly perspective the things that God is taking me through, I can encourage myself knowing that God has FULL control over the happenings in my life. When I am confident in that, then even though what I'm facing may hurt, I can know that God has a purpose and a promise at the end of the journey...even if it kills me!

Several weeks back, I was hurt. And I mean hurt. Not stepped on a Lego in the night and fell on my bum hurt. I mean one of those nasty, inside, no one can see hurts. I was hurt by those I respected and loved. I was devastated, sobbing and the works. What happened shook me to my core. It challenged every part of me and caused me to question myself and my motives in so many areas.

I spent that first week going through a gamut of emotions. I went from the "Well, I never!" prideful extreme to the other prideful extreme of "I will take the high road." Neither of those were where my heart needed to be. Ultimately God was looking for me to be broken, forgiving, and humble. I realized after only a few days that this was what God was looking for, but it has taken me weeks to begin to live it out. Apparently God isn’t as easily fooled as the people around me.

Rich and I had never really faced anything like this before, and it was really neat to see the beauty of our marriage unfolding. It was amazing to see us working together to get through something, the way the Creator intended. I guess if I'm fair though, my husband was working much harder than I, as I sulked.

During that first week or so, God and I talked a lot. Usually it was me doing the talking because I was afraid of what God was going to say back. But God did speak through a great many avenues to both encourage and correct me. It was amazing to me how many things in my life He coordinated to speak to me at certain times. Going back to the Bible study I’ve been going through, it was as though God was allowing me to practice what I was studying. God would use my homework to speak a fresh word to me, He would use my husband, He would use my parents, He would use our pastor, and it was just cool. Sometimes though, I would be so excited about what God was speaking, I would miss out on what He was saying.

Have you ever been trained by someone, and you wanted so badly to just know it all already? You pretend to be listening, but in your mind you have already moved on to completing the task at hand. Your alphabet may sound something like this: A, B, C, Z. Don’t lie, you know you have done this before. This is what I was doing to God during that first week and pretty much every week since. He would give me a fresh word about my circumstances, and I would take that to mean “Training Complete.” I would praise Him and then move on, only to find out there is another rung to this ladder I am climbing.

(To be continued…)

When God Speaks....I Listen (Usually)

God has been taking me on a journey over the past few weeks. Over the course of those few weeks, God has spoken to me about what I should be doing and He has revealed to me some pretty ugly things about myself. I've been talking to Rich about this as it has been unfolding and I decided last night that I need to be writing all this down. What a better place than somewhere that may encourage someone else who stumbles on this blog?! So look out for some pieces about what's going on in my rediculous mind!

On a completely unrelated note, last night Reed said "Mom, need to pee" and then he went in the bathroom and did!!!! We're getting somewhere, folks! :)

Day Two: Potty Training-no-really-this-time-for-sure-seriously

The title says it all. I'm sure with a little more consistancy, Reed would already be potty trained. Alas.

Yesterday we started really cracking down on Reed because he suddenly decided that he wanted to wear underwear. We've had some accidents. By 10AM today, I had dealt with both of them pooping and several accidents. Ugh. They are both down for a nap right now, and Reed had insisted on wearing underwear to bed. Hopefully, he is successfully dry!

Today is a day of catch-up...and I've gotten a lot done. Maybe not everything that NEEDS to be done, but nevertheless, things are getting done.

The boys were playing outside earlier and AGAIN were throwing things into the neighbor's yard---great witness, I know. Poor neighbor. She's always so kind to pick them up and hang a grocery bag on our side of the fence with all the toys.

I've got some stew slow cooking and some precious boys that will be awake any moment now.....

Mmmm....Cozy...

It's been a cozy weekend. Last night we had my parents and brother over for some homemade chicken noodle soup and some "Rocky and Bullwinkle" (my Netflix mistake, should have been Superman). Mom and I knitted some and we had a great time!

Tonight we are enjoying Uncle Pat and Papa. We had some homemade clam chowder in bread bowls. (Are you catching the cozy soup theme??) We are watching the Colts/Patriots game, and I'm enjoying another cozy...decaf peppermint mocha.

Reed is trying to potty train. He decided today that he wanted to wear underwear. We have pooped and peed, but I'm convinced that we will eventually get it!!

Thank you Lord for my wonderful family!! Now for some knitting....

I Want....

....to blog again. I miss being able to share what's going on here and keeping a record for my boys. Lord, give me time for this....please?

Reed just turned 2 and Rusten is almost 4! Time flies, and it only seems to be getting quicker!

Rusten is getting so smart....the other day, I wasn't working as quickly as he wanted on something, and he grabbed me and said "Focus, mom!". I stopped and laughed so hard!!

Reed talks so much now too. Though he is by far more difficult, he still has such a soft, compassionate heart. We pray daily for wisdom in raising him---he's a tough cookie.

God is blessing us and challenging us in a great many ways right now. Oh so much to share, maybe soon I'll be more disciplined....

Dare I?

Dare I make an appearance here after a month has passed?

Just thought I'd catch ya'll up with some pictures of what's been happening here at the Essman house.

Rusten and Papa--this picture cracks me up!

Baby Ryker--such an adorable toddler now!! This is at Grandma's birthday party!

All the grandkids!

Papa Bob and Grandma came over for dinner one night!

The boys playing!

Rusten and Reed giving Papa Bob a run for his money!

Mother's Day--waiting at Roadhouse. The boys just chillin'.

Rusten's last sports night, getting his medal!

Daddy helping him play t-ball.

Two proud daddies!

Watch Out, Pele!

Yesterday, Rusten started his first sports program! It's through an organization called Fun Sports, and they have an Itty Bitty league for 3-year-olds. They meet for four weeks, and they will cover two weeks of soccer, one of basketball, and one of t-ball. We are going with our family friends--the Jacksons. Luke and Rusten love doing stuff like this together.

Rusten did well!! It seemed, though, that it was even too basic for 3-year-olds. Rusten was bored. They kicked the balls around a little, then they played duck-duck-goose. Real athletic. It requires parent participation, and Rich was more than happy to be in there teaching his son about sports--until it came time for duck-duck-goose. Rusten was on his own. He sat there so patiently and quietly. From where I sat, I could see his halo. Then, afterwards, a parent came and told me that when Rusten got tagged, he said "no." They told him he had to get up and run, and he said "No I don't." Oi!

So it was fun, and next week, I guess they're going to actually try to play a game of soccer. How you go from duck-duck-goose to a game of soccer, I'm not quite sure.....but I'm excited nonetheless!

Happy Easter?

The boys were playing outside with only socks on. As a result, their socks and pants were completely muddy when we came in, and they came off at the door. Shortly thereafter, Rusten found this Christmas penguin and started making it sing. Reed started dancing, and Rusten joined in, and well....enjoy!

Easter Eggs

So....it's a new month. I'm not even going to try to catch you up. I spend everyday playing catch-up, why do it here too?!

Today we dyed Easter Eggs. Here's some pics and vids!

Rusten said "Football Face" and made this face for the picture.

Then he said "Cheese" for this picture.


Busy at work!

Rusten's face cracks me up.....so him!!

Here's our set-up. We had 5 containers, but after Rusten put both the blue and pink tablets in the pink cup, I figured I didn't need the blue one anymore. Ugh.

Need A Shower?

I do.

I only shave my legs every other day. I know, that's probably TMI, but you must know that for this story to be funny. Anyway, I was wearing shorts this morning with my legs curled up on the chair and, mind you, today would be a 'shave' day--got it?

Continuing on, Rusten came up to me to ask me a question and his hand touched my leg. He immediately got a look of disgust on his face, and said "MOMMY! You need a shower, you are icky!"

Shame on me.

Do You Think Since Octomom Doesn't Need Them, She'll Send the Nannies My Way?

Because I do! Apparently, I need lessons from the infamous multiples mother because she can fire nannies and do it solo with 14 while balancing her limelight career. I can't control two....take a look!

As I was blogging for the Bible Club, apparently my children took out their frustrations on my couch pillows:

And as I was cleaning that up, they decided to clean out their dresser and redecorate their closet:

Nadia, please honey, I need help from you, a classy professional!

As Promised..

Some of these pics go all the way back to around my birthday! Yikes! So, let me re-introduce you to my family!

Some of these are from the past few Saturdays at home or the park. Some are from my birthday, and some are just random!

Enjoy!

You Have No Idea...

...how much time it takes to do the Bible Reading Club! Wow! I want to keep up with this blog also, but it's kind of taking a back seat right now. I do, however, have some great pics of the boys that I'll put up hopefully later today or tomorrow. We went to the park this past weekend and barbecued with friends and family. It was mostly a lot of fun (outside of wrangling a one-year-old) and it provided many photo ops!

Just wanted to check in, though, and let you know that we are alive and kicking and the boys are getting cuter and cuter!

A Glitch

I just heard from the hallway...

"Mom, my cape not working. My cape not flying."

Bummer. At least he learned of that prior to take off, and not mid-air.

I'm Tired

Um, maybe that's because it's one in the morning? Hm...

I like to sometimes stay up real late and get caught up on work with NO DISTRACTIONS named Rusten and Reed. It's nice to just focus in the quiet and it's amazing how much work I can crank out!

Today, Rusten announced that he is in fact Larryboy. Along with that, he made sure that Rich knew that he was Larryboy's daddy! He's so funny! They made capes in Sunday School that say "God's Our Hero" and he loves to wear it and watch Larryboy episodes while walking around saying "I AM THAT HERO!" We went for a walk tonight after dinner and he walked in shorts, tennis shoes with no socks, his shirt and his cape. It was so cute!

I love having toddlers....even though they make me tired and crazy. Mostly tired. Lots of crazy though.

Off to bed....*yawn*

Wake Up With Me

Yesterday before I was out of bed, I could hear this in the monitor:


Reed: DAEEE, DAEEE, AAHHH, AAHHH


Rusten: Stop it brother!


Reed: AAHHH


Rusten: NO! STOP!


Reed: AAHHH


Rusten: That's it.


I hear rustling, as though he were getting out of bed...followed by an unidentified noise.


Reed: *Crying*

Just Some Stuff...

This weekend was a big milestone for Rusten. He went home with a friend after church yesterday! I know, a knife twisted in my heart. My baby is growing up! I was trying to hold him before he left, and he said "Don't hold me like a baby mom, I want to walk." Oh, I died inside.

Then last night, he said "Mom, I need to tell you about something..." He's just growing up right in front of me!

Reed is getting ornerier by the day. He will blink his eyes at you if you make him mad, or shrug his shoulders. And don't think he'll forget about it and love on you in a minute. Nope, not my little grudge holder. I really thought he was going to be my sweet little angel, but I'm rethinking that one. He cracks us up though--we just have a few things to work on.

So today starts our Bible Reading Club. I'm SO STINKING excited about this. You can check out our blog: www.biblereadingclubblog.blogspot.com. It's so neat to see all the kids excited about it. Feel free to follow Rich and I over there and get our daily posts on the Bible reading for the day. We even have a few adults that are going to join us--even more exciting! The more the merrier!

Well, I need to get a few things done around here today. I'm off from the legal work this week and I need to play catch up on some other things. First thing, I must go get Reed out of my bathroom drawers....